Zara’s Story

When Zara’s children, seven-year-old Ali and five-year-old Aya, told her that her new partner, Harry, had touched them sexually, she believed them. She just couldn’t work out how it had happened. The Jannawi Family Program is helping Zara and her children recover from their trauma.

What Zara couldn’t understand was how Harry had found the opportunity to abuse Ali and Aya, and how she had not detected anything was wrong.

When the family was referred to the Jannawi Family Program, Zara was still shocked and reeling from Harry’s breach of her trust. Her former husband, the children’s father, had been verbally abusive and physically intimidating. This relationship had knocked her confidence, leaving her fearful of men.

Even though Harry’s behaviour was calm and respectful, it took a considerable amount of time before Zara trusted him. He helped her with the practical challenges of being a single mum and regularly paid bills and bought things for the children when she couldn’t afford them, unlike their father who had withheld money as a form of control.

As is common in these types of situations, Harry convinced Ali and Aya that no one would believe them if they said anything about the abuse and he told them he would hurt their mum. It was only after Ali attended a Protective Behaviours workshop at his school that he felt confident to disclose, initially to another adult, what was happening. An AVO was issued and Harry was charged.

Once the children were safe, it was essential that the whole family received specialist counselling to address the impact of the abuse and to promote healing and recovery. It is common for child sex abuse victims to feel shame and inflict self-blame, which for some survivors continues throughout their lives. If victims do not find the right intervention, it can leave an enduring legacy of depression and anxiety that may affect every aspect of their life, or lead to drug and alcohol abuse, self-harm and suicide.

The Jannawi team worked closely with the children to support them through the consequences of their trauma which included poor sleep, feeling worried and unsafe, and problems at school. A family counsellor explained to Zara that abusers get close to children by manipulating their mothers, typically by offering help. The counsellor reassured Zara that she was not to blame and helped her through her feelings of guilt.

From famous entertainers and clergymen, to ordinary men like Harry, the abuser’s playbook is essentially the same: use trust, authority or some combination of the two to normalise time spent alone with children, then exploit that opportunity to commit the abuse. From the outside, an abuser may appear involved and generous, so their interest in a new partner’s children goes unchallenged. The Jannawi team helped Zara recognise how ‘grooming’ operates and exposed the mind games Harry had used to confuse her judgement.

The team restored Zara’s confidence in her own ability to responsibly parent and protect her children. Similar to the many other child sex abuse cases that Jannawi handles, this family’s case will be a long journey with more guidance, sessions and work required. Jannawi’s unique and specialised support means families like Zara’s can rebuild after a crisis, find strength and optimism, and ultimately have hope for the future.